Friday, December 31, 2010

A New Year's Goals

It is a New Year, a new beginning. Time to sing Auld Lang Syne at midnight, although I have never done it; time to drink & make merry, not that I will be doing that either; a time to let go of the old to welcome the new, which--the last--is what I hope to do. The challenges of these last few years are hopefully behind me. I don't know if they are but I can believe they are and be ready as best as I can.

There are a lot of things I need to do. First and foremost, I need to continue pain management treatment and see all the various doctors which is time consuming and stressful but unavoidable so I have to be okay with it. Next, I need to find a job to support myself and start paying off the bills, debt that has accumulated since the car accident. And finally, turn focus back onto my life, love, relationships, health and happiness in general.

Happiness is the ultimate goal, maybe not for everyone, but certainly for me and defining what happiness is for me, as an individual and not by persuasion or influence, is at the heart of the matter. All I want from my life for the most part is to be myself and if there are things I have given up I have given up by choice for people I have loved--I would probably do the same if I have to live my life all over again--but maybe I need to do more of what I want. Not that I haven't. I am more stubborn and rigid in refusing to bend to other people's whims than most but I can also do foolish things for love and I think, no more.

So, here I am at the threshold of change. A change that comes every year but for me the last years have been so different that the next year cannot but be meaningful and I hope I can be strong enough, brave enough and believe in and love myself enough to make the positive changes I need to make.

Goals for 2011: To be healthy and happy. To live more for myself. To find a way to merge intelligence and imagination in a job that is more creatively fulfilling, if at all possible without sacrificing my ability to pay bills or shirk my responsibilities. To be more social and outgoing, find more enjoyable hobbies and fall in love for the right reasons and with the right person. Be here, in the moment.